No reason to live
by sofytwirler
Summary: Rosalie doesn't want to exist any more and is considering the end, but when she comes across a dying boy who has been attacked by a bear she thinks she might have found her reason for living.


**Rosalie**

I was wandering the lonely hillside, thinking about my life. Where did it all go wrong? I was happy, beautiful and had the perfect life.

Then how did it happen? How did I become this monster. It was true that I had killed people and I had taken pleasure in it, but not a drop of blood had passed my lips. The killings were for revenge, which makes me almost clean. Over the long months I have spent in isolation I have lost count of the amount of times I have tried suicide. Which proves Carlisle was right, it is nearly impossible for someone of my kind to die. For a vampire to die.

I suppose I could go to Italy but I don't have the strength. Even though I have no reason to live, or should I say exist because being what I am can't be called living. I am still only living on animals blood, but I am never really satisfied. I long for human blood, I feel the burn in my throat whenever I catch the scent of a hiker. I must resist, think about the person, their life, their family and run away.

A human scent caught my nose and my throat throbbed painfully, so much so I found it hard to resist, but somehow I managed. I held my nose and was about to run, when I heard a sound. A piercing scream that was carried to my ears on the howling wind. I couldn't resist anymore I stumbled blindly towards the sound disorientated by the burn in my throat when another scent hit me. This time it wasn't human it was animal, a bear to be precise very close to the human.

I stumbled into the clearing and there was a bear, its enormous bulk towering over me, blocking out the sun. It caught my scent and immediately began to retreat in terror, revealing from underneath it the most beautiful boy I had ever seen.

His skin was as pale as the moonlight and looked as soft as silk. His hair in contrast was as black as a moonless sky and shimmered in the broken sunlight. He turned his head towards me and his piercing blue eyes bore into me as I got lost in their depth. There was a mixture of emotion in his eyes, terror from the bear, hope that I might be here to help and pain at the physical injuries he had suffered.

From that moment on I knew he was the one, I had a reason to live and I had to save him.

I sank into a crouch and a vicious snarl ripped through my throat and out of the corner of my eye I saw a look of panic pass over the boys face. Tearing my eyes away from the boy I leapt at the bear with a rage I had never felt before. The bear was hardly a challenge. I was so consumed with hatred that it would dare harm this boy. That I tore it limb from limb without even a second thought. I was so fast it didn't even have time to tear my clothes or even cry out in pain. After what must have been only seconds the bear fell silent slumped on the floor. I had an almost uncontrollable urge to drink its blood, but then remembered the boy and realised if I was to save him I wouldn't have time.

I quickly moved over towards the boy who was being very quite apart from the occasional spasm of pain when he tried to move and an agonised look passed over his face. I knelt beside him and lifted his head into my lap, cradling him and wishing I could make his pain stop. His skin was soft and warm to the touch but cold for a human. I gently caressed his burning cheeks and shushed him as he tried to speak. I could hear his heart beating and feel the blood running through his veins under my fingertips.

Resist I told myself, Resist.

A gust of wind blew across the clearing and whipped his hair and his scent got caught in my throat causing the searing pain to rip through me again. Somehow I managed to resist, somehow I managed to sit there with him.

Just as night was beginning to fall he looked up at me, smiled and then fell into unconsciousness.

Using all the strength I could muster because I was weak from thirst and the constant burn in my throat. I picked him up and huddled him into my arms, being careful that none of his delicate skin touched mine, to keep him warm.

I knew vaguely where I was going, but my mind was a blur. I realised that Carlisle was the only chance this boy had. He was dying and I could feel it. His heartbeat was becoming more erratic and his breathing ragged. I didn't have much time, so with the last bust of my strength I set off running across the hillside. The trees were a blur, but still I pushed myself harder and faster.

I could have bitten him right there, however I knew I wouldn't have the strength to stop and would kill the boy myself. Carlisle was the only one I knew who could bite and not kill, because it was him who had changed me. It was true that he only did it because I was dying, but I would rather have died. At least now I had a purpose, to save this boy.

I don't know how many days I ran for, and relief washed over me as I saw the familiar sight of Forks in the distance. The wind blew the leaves as I sprinted through the forest towards the house.

I bust through the door and stood in the hallway with the boy still unconscious in my arms.

'CARLISLE!' I shouted 'Help!'

There was a sudden gust of wind and Carlisle appeared in front of me.

'Rosalie, you're back' he said as a huge smile washed over his face, until he saw the human boy and the agonised look on my face.

'What's wrong?' he asked concern taking the place of the smile.

'He's dying, please help him Carlisle' I cried 'I'll do anything just save him.'

'You wish for me to bite him' stated Carlisle in a matter of fact kind of way.

'Yes, it's the only way to save him' I pleaded falling to my knees with the boy still in my arms.

As you wish Rosalie, I'll do it for you.'

'Please hurry'

'Ok bring him through here and lay him on the table.' Carlisle spoke with a surprising calm that was made even more apparent by the stress in my voice.

'Do you wish to stay with him while I do it?' asked Carlisle.

'Yes, I can't leave him now.' I whispered

'I will be back in a minute, I must go and prepare'

I nodded once and Carlisle swept out of the room, making the curtains ripple with the speed of his departure.

I walked over to the table and looked down at the boy upon it. He looked so peaceful even though his breathing and heartbeat were so erratic. There was a sheen of sweat across his forehead causing his shiny black hair to stick to it.

I leant down and took his hand bringing the back of it up to gently rest on my cheek. I felt strangely calm as the heat from his hand warmed the cold of my face. The softness of his skin fitting the hardness of mine. I used my other hand to gently caress his burning forehead and cheek, hoping that my cold skin might bring some relief.

At my touch his eyelids fluttered open and panic crossed his face as he tried to work out where he was and what had happened. Until he saw me and relaxed, his eyes becoming brighter and happier. He tried to speak but I stopped him by placing one finger against his chapped lips.

'Don't worry' I murmured gently 'You're safe now'

He coughed and winced in pain as he felt his injuries and part of me felt his pain too like we were connected.

'Go to sleep' I whispered 'Nothing can hurt you now'

I bent down to kiss his forehead just as his eyes began to close.

'I love you' I whispered in his ear.

'I love you too' he murmured a smile playing across his lips, before falling back into unconsciousness.

When he said those words I knew that if I had a heart, it would be racing and in that moment I felt more human than I had ever done before.

I turned just as Carlisle re-entered the room walking at a human pace.

'Are we ready?' Carlisle asked checking the boys pulse.

'I think so' I replied 'Will it hurt him less if he is unconscious?' my whisper was barely audible but I knew Carlisle would hear me.

'I can't be sure, maybe, maybe not' he sighed 'It is different for everyone, lets hope for his sake it hurts less'

'What's going on?' A very kind looking women was standing in the doorway next to a boy about my age with tousled bronze hair.

'Esme' I cried as I fell into her arms.

She hugged me tightly while a sobbing sound came from my chest and I knew that if I was human it meant I would be crying.

She looked to the boy standing next to her for an explanation as I was in no fit state to give her one and Carlisle had momentarily disappeared.

'Edward, can you tell me what's going on.'

Edward spoke quickly and calmly recounting my experience to Esme through my thoughts.

When Edward was made a vampire he acquired the power to read minds, it could be very useful sometimes if you wanted to know what someone was thinking. However it could also be very annoying because you couldn't think about anything without him knowing it, so there was no privacy.

Carlisle had changed Edward before both me and Esme. They intended for me and Edward to be together like they were, but we both didn't care for each other in that way. He thought I was vain and self absorbed and I thought he was arrogant and cold. We are more like brother and sister and we argue like it too. I loved him like a brother but it still annoyed me that he didn't care for me in that way even though it wouldn't be reciprocated. All my human life I was used to being loved by everyone because of my beauty and his potent lack of interest used to anger me, but not any more I had someone to love, a reason for my existence and I wasn't going to let anything stand in the way.

'You may want to look away' said Carlisle who had reappeared and was standing at the boys head.

We all watched as Carlisle gently tilted the boys head to the side to expose more of his neck and I quickly turned away as Carlisle was about to bite because I couldn't trust myself not to attack Carlisle. Esme who couldn't watch either put her arm around my shoulder and held me close.

'What's his name' she whispered in my ear.

'I don't know.'

.


End file.
